Wander

I could hear raindrops splatter on the window pane. I felt the cool fall air pushing its was from the outside in. The glass was cool and crisp on my forehead as I sat on the windowsill.

Outside, there was a little girl being taken for a walk by her dog. He pulled this way and that, busy smelling the world and all the travelers that had come before, all the while the little girl giggled and obediently followed behind.

The memories I was fighting so hard to forget started flooding my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to force them out of my mind, but only caused them to appear more vividly.

“Hey Eliza, you ok over there?” I heard the concern from my roommates voice.

“Yeah Corde. I’m good. Just, you know. Stuff keeps coming up.” I sighed and continued to stare blankly out the window. “It’ll pass. I hope.” I tried to focus on the people passing by outside.

It had been a long time since the accident, but it still felt like yesterday. The sounds, the smells, it all was so vivid and clear. Like it was almost still happening.

“I was thinking,” Corde announced cutting my thoughts off, “what if we went to that little Indian restaurant you love. We haven’t gone there in a while.” She smiled at her idea.

“I’m not really hungry.” I should have been, but my stomach was in a constant feeling of free fall. Not quite the right setting for eating. “Thanks though. I know how much you hate Indian cuisine. I appreciate the thought. I’m good. Promise.” I lied. She had been trying for so long to help me out of my funk. Keep me distracted. Lighten the mood. And I appreciated all of it, but none of that was going to help. It might distract me for a bit, but I knew what I had to do to get the memories out.

I got up from the window and walked into the entryway.

“I think I’m going to get some air. Don’t wait up.” I was hoping Corde would just accept my statement and not ask me any questions.

“Do you want any company?” There it was.

“No I just need to clear my head.” I stood back up and opened the door. “I’ll be back later.” I didn’t wait for a response. I stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.

That was the last time I set foot in my apartment.

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